Survival Guide to Surviving Hogwarts
by Drindrak
Summary: Taylor, Brandon, and Sam end up in the Harry Potter world as 11 year olds! When one OC has a God-Complex, one is anti-social, and the last is kind of hyper, only Chaos can ensue. So, to make sure they survive Hogwarts in one piece, they compile a Survival Guide depicting what they shouldn't do. T for language, OC warning, OOC.
1. It's a Gift

**Chapter 1: It's a Gift**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Any names used are fictional- randomly gotten from the depths of mine and _hyuga-hanyou-lover_'s minds, and any connection to persons living or dead is coincidental. I do happen to own two OCs (Taylor & Brandon) in here. I don't own the third though.**

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_**Rule #1: The first thing you should do if you find yourself stranded in the HP world, is try and see if any of your friends are also there. Really, it might save your life later on.**_

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**Taylor**

I see you all have welcomed my godly presence to tell my side of this story. Of course, maybe I should introduce myself.

I am Taylor Lynne Hartman, and I am, or was, turning 16 in four or so months. I have light brown hair, green eyes, and glasses. Most everyone describes me as very eccentric, with a god-complex and narcissistic tendencies. I think they're just jealous of my awesomeness. I mean if they weren't, why complain about it, eh?

Right, back to the story. Let's see... I think this entire thing started with me feeling an odd urge to re-read the entire Harry Potter series. Huh. Anyways, I cracked open the first book, and then I do believe I passed out. I dunno, all I know now is that I somehow woke up in an abandoned house somewhere in Britain, and younger than before...

I don't know about any of you readers, but I am a very angry person when I'm woken up. As such, since someone or thing was knocking on the door, effectively waking me, I growled and punched the closest thing to me. That just happened to be a wall. So it fucking hurt. A lot. I colourfully swore- seriously I swore fricken rainbows- rolled off the couch I was on (when the hell do I sleep on a couch?! I have a perfectly comfy bed!) and made my way over to the door.

On the doorstep was some old lady. She looked familiar though. Damn, I should lay off the sweets before bed. Because I swear to Jeeves, that Professor McGonagall from Harry Potter was on my doorstep. Her hand was raised, as if she was about to knock once more. I stare at her for a second, before slamming the door shut. "I don't want no cosplayers in my home." I shouted, before making my way into the living room. I froze just inside the room though. "The fuck!? How in the hell did you get in here?!" I pointed at her, as she was sitting on the couch I awoke on, sipping a cup of tea. She looked up at me, one of her eyebrows raised.

"Magic." I snickered, thinking that she was kidding. Until she conjured up another cup of tea, and held it out to me. That made me stare blankly for a moment, before grinning widely.

"Really! Awesomesauce!" Now don't get me wrong, I've always believed in magic and what not. I simply resigned myself to never being able to do it. McGonagall stared at me as if I was crazy.

"That's all it took? Most muggleborns need more of a demonstration." I scoffed, and waved a hand in dismissal.

"Dudette, I'm no muggleborn. I'm a pureblood from Germany." Oh yeah, my epic lying skillz. Yes, "skills" with a "z". The professor nodded in acceptance.

"I see. I guess that's why you were so used to Magic." She looked around the room. "Why do live here instead of with your parents?" She eyed me suspiciously. "Speaking of parents, where are they?" I blinked, and thought quickly.

"Oh... They... died about a year ago. I was in an orphanage, but I ran away due to being mistreated. I feel a little guilty though, at leaving my friends I made there..." I trailed off when McGonagall flinched. Now that I think about it, don't most Dark Lords have a past that involves mistreatment in an orphanage? Hmm. I'll need to research this.

"Ah, do you know their names?"

"Roderick and Erna." Thank me that I looked up random names a long while ago. I looked back at her, and saw her nod.

"I think I remember seeing something like that in the Prophet. Anyways, I guess I should take to Diagon Alley, and then Gringotts. You can make on your own after that, right?" I nodded. She rummaged through her robes, and pulled out a... beige-ish coloured envelope. "Here's your Hogwarts Letter." I grinned, and took it from her. It read, _'Miss T.L, Hartman. The Living Room, the Fourth Abandoned House, Spinner's End.'_ Now where have I heard that street name before? Oh well. I turned, and followed McGonagall out of the house.

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**Brandon**

Hello readers. My name is Brandon Stickeny. I was about to turn 16 in three weeks. I am antisocial, and couldn't care less about anything. I only have two friends, Taylor- you know, the crazy one, and Sam (she'll be introduced after me). I have really light blond hair, and I have been told that my eyes were a piercing blue colour. Taylor keeps calling me "Malfoy". I retaliate by calling her an idiot.

Anyways, I'm getting off track. My tale begins with me walking up the driveway to Taylor's house. She had called me over, saying something about having a "Harry Potter Marathon of Awesome". She threatened to drag me from my house (please, understand. She really would have done this), should I not show up. Again, off track. I entered her house, only to find her absent. I sighed, and made my way into her living room. She wasn't there, but one of her Harry Potter books was on the ground. With a shrug I pick it up.

I don't remember much of what happened afterwards. I read a line or two, and I think I must have been more tired than I let on, because I swear fell asleep on her couch. Right. I awoke later in a kind of lumpy bed, in an unfamiliar room. I jumped out of the bed with a shout. I must have shouted louder than I thought, because some weird lady came running in. She looked... Old. Like, ancient. I bet she saw dinosaurs while she was a child. "Uh..." I started, not knowing what to say.

"Hello young'un." I gave her one more glance over, before I started to look around the room.

"Where am I?"

"Sepulchre's Orphanage. We found you a block or two away unconscious." I nodded, and stood tall.

"Thank you." I grit my teeth at saying those unfamiliar words. "But I must be going. My... sister will be missing me." I guess Taylor could be called my sister. The lady stared at me.

"How old is your sister?"

"21." Whoa, I think Taylor's lying skills have gotten to me. She nodded, and moved out of the way.

"By the way, young man, what were you doing unconscious, and what is your name?"

"I'm Brandon Stickeny, and I was walking home from a friends house, when I heard a loud noise. I dunno, I must have been really tired." I adopted a "scared" look. "My sister must be extremely worried! I gotta go!" I dashed out of the room before she could ask me another question.

I was out of the Orphanage and four blocks away before one could even say "Orphanage". And now I was just wandering around the town I was in. Dammit, I had gotten myself lost. What fricken luck. "Ugh, might as well walk around aimlessly. No, that sounds like something Taylor would... do..." I trailed off, before I smacked myself. "Why don't I just ask for directions?!" With a groan, I turn and dash off down the closest road.

I really should have stuck to the road I was already on. Seriously. The houses on the road I'm on now all look abandoned. All of them. Except maybe that one way down the road. I can see a somewhat trimmed lawn. "But it looks like no one is home..." I mumble to myself. As I pass by what I think is the fourth abandoned house, it's door opens, and some weird old lady steps from it. Then I hear it. That achingly familiar voice.

"So what, we gonna go or what- Oh hey! Brandon!" Taylor. For fuck's sake, why couldn't it be Sam? At least then I could pretend to not know her!

"Taylor." I look at her, and then the older woman. The woman was looking back and forth between us, before she dug through her pockets, and pulled out an envelope. She walked forward, until she was a foot or two away from me.

"Brandon Stickeny?" Whoa, how did she know my name?

"Yeah?" She nods, and hands the envelope to me. I look down at it, and raised a brow. It read, _'Mister B.B, Stickeny,The Street, Spinner's End.'_ I was about to ask what the hell it was, when Taylor shouted.

"Yeah! Brandon can come with us to Gringotts!" Somehow, I knew that this was going to ruin me later.

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**Sam**

Hi there readers. I guess it's my turn to tell my side of waking up. But first, let me tell you all about myself. My name is Sam, short for Samantha-but don't you dare call me that, Callow. I was the second oldest in our group of friends, turning 16 in a month. My hair is an auburn colour, and my eyes were a rather uninteresting light shade of brown. I'm quite the studious child, although a bit shy, and very hyperactive. Weird combination, I know.

Yeah, my story's just as interesting as Brandon's there. I went into Taylor's house (speaking of that, Taylor you should really leave your spare key where it's not in plain sight), and spent half an hour searching through the house, before finally settling into the living room. I went to sit on the couch, when I saw a Harry Potter book on it. I raised an eyebrow at it, and snatched it up. Like the others, I don't remember exactly what happened. I read a line, something about a three-headed dog called "Fluffy", and fell asleep.

I awoke sometime later in a tree of all places. I looked down, and noticed I was, like, seventy feet off the ground. Okay, that's an overstatement. I was only about four feet off the ground, but seriously! I was scared. I mean, I remember being in a house, and then I was in a tree. Did someone kidnap me? Damn...

After a few minutes of contemplating how I ended up in the tree, I had climbed down. I took a look around. "I seem to be in a park..." I nod at my logic, and started making my way out of the park. Whoa, did you readers know how easy it is to get lost in a park? Because either it's really easy, or my sense of direction sucks.

Right! After stumbling through the underbrush for about half an hour, I ended up on a sidewalk. My arms and legs were pretty red, and some cuts that I found were bleeding. I reached up, and tried to smooth down my frizzy hair. People around took one look at me, and then walked off. Unhelpful bastards. Not a single one asked if I was okay.

So after I took a breather, I tried to identify where I was. I, by some weird urge, looked up. And then I saw it. The Big Ben. "Holy... I'm in London. And not the one in Canada..." I grin, and start walking off. And wouldn't you reader's believe it, I saw someone who I thought was fictional. Harry freaking Potter. Although that just makes me think I'm dreaming, but then I remember all my cuts, which still stung by the way. Something in the back of my mind says that this is all Taylor's fault...

Since I was not paying attention to anything other than my thoughts, I had started to unconsciously follow Harry and that weird giant dude who was with him. I was knocked out of my thoughts by an owl deciding that my head must be extremely comfortable. That's right, an OWL, thinking about my comfortable hair, swooped down, and fricken nosedived right into my head. It hurt. Like hell. "Ow! Damn owls! It's a conspiracy I tell you!" And there enters my hyperactive tendencies.

I rubbed my head, and glared at the owl, who was perched innocently on a low-hanging sign. It stuck it's leg out at me. It was then I noticed that there was a letter attached to it's leg, and that I had at least four robe-clad people and one normal looking preteen staring at me. With an angry sounding huff, I looked down at the neat writing. _'Miss S.H. Callow, The Leaky Cauldron, London.'_ I look up from the letter, and notice that that weird giant dude with Harry was right next to me. I stare up at him.

"Um... Hi?" I squeak, my shyness coming out. He opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by a shout. A rather familiar shout to me.

"Professor! I know that chick! Brandon! It's Sammy-Sam!" I turn angrily.

"Don't call me that Taylor! That's a horrible nickname and you know it!" And my shyness flies out the window. Oh how I hope it crashes and burns. I hear an exasperated sigh, and turn to the two accompanying Taylor. I notice one is Brandon, and the other... is yet another fictional character.

"Sam, just drop it. We're all going to some place called Gringotts, to get money." I nod.

"Okay." Taylor whoops in joy, and starts dragging me and Brandon into the Leaky Cauldron. Why, oh why, do I feel as if something is going to go horribly wrong?

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**A/N: And end. This story is here for my writer's block relief, so don't expect to many updates a month.**


	2. Universal AN

I am, once again, terribly sorry. This A/N is Universal for all my stories.

My laptop has just gone through an extremely bad breakdown, causing me to restore it to its factory default settings.

I am typing this note on my tablet. I do have the means to update my stories, but certain ones will take longer. I am including a list here detailing the ones I can update as soon as possible.

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1. So an Uzumaki Delves Into a Scroll can and will be updated soon.

2. Uchiha? I'm not Obito! will probably be updated every two or so weeks now. Answers to the current chapter's questions will be answered upon the release of the next.

3. For Lack of an Awesome Title may be updated soon.

4. Undone will be updated eventually.

5. NarutOni: Mission to the Mansion will take about a month to be updated.

6. Naruto has a What! will be updated soon.

7. Time Travelling and Wrong Redheads is unlikely to be updated, as I am focusing on my other stories first. The rest of the stories mentioned here on out are also unlikely to be updated.

8. Survival Guide to Surviving Hogwarts.

9. Saving the World's Sanity.

10. Shinobi: Edogawa Conan.

11. We're Getting Nowhere.

Hopefully you guys will stick with me through this.


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